December loneliness
Typing that title out ate my insides, I'm physically repulsed but I do not have much better words.
Fears to fathom: Yesterday I went outside with my family, for some reason I refuse to act "normal". Or maybe I am. But have you ever imagined yourself acting.. completely you? I think we all have the need to masks bits and parts of ourselves.
The winter is eating me and I no longer feel like I'm talking to the void. Interacting with other individuals made me realize I am not alone.
There's something else eating me away, gnawing at angles of my flesh- I just don't know what. My heart is worried, and my breath is shallow and my lung are deep in heaviness.
Feels like my hands are slipping away, worrying about something none existent.
Perhaps that's the feeling of loneliness, varying each day. Today is particularly noticable, since I haven't talk to anyone outside my family.
I find myself pretty normal, though it's hard to imagine myself out there, face lined up with some other person in someone's list of generic faces.
I am but a sheep in other clothing. They too are sheeps in other clothing.
Something's gnawing at me, eating at me. I don't remember.
Today's different for me, I feel particularly, "normal". As if I stopped thinking, started doing things that don't bring me anxiousness, I turned off my brain; And yet it feels as though something's bugging me- As if- my worries are captured in small fragments, gnawing the angles of my flesh- each time flew by.