Alienation Imposed On One's Self
Only from the roof, did I notice- I noticed my trembling hand.
I am a joke.
A colossal joke.
I do not want anything, at least not anymore.
But that is a lie.
I know I want something.
I am.
I am so.
I am so hilarious.
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to bash someone in the head with a metal pipe, or to squeeze another person's eyes until something happens. To watch someone's last moment, whining and crying. To watch the true colors of someone spilling out indefinitely. To hold the crying person's head gently as they cried and cried and cried and cried and cried until they stop, falling out of your hands. Be the cause of their tears and comfort them until their last moments end. Is this some kind of sadism?
I would love to watch someone scream in tears in their impending variable death.. Maybe it only comforts me, that it wasn't me, being the prepertrator, they couldn't possibily hurt me as much as I hurt them. It pleases me maybe it was not me in the current moment.
It didn't matter whose fault it was. It just didn't have to be me.
It was not like people who particularly in favour of me.
It did not matter who got hurt.
As long it wasn't me.
His cries were not what I imagined.
He did not seem to be dying.
I was lied to by everyone.
My actions seem much less significant.
He seemed to enjoy the attention my action caused.
Are there more sicker or disgusting human beings than me? That of course, is a definite, more true than anything can ever be.
I am a joke.
A colossal joke.